It isn't always easy to articulate the ways that I loved and miss my dad, especially like it is with my mom. So I will just say that he was awesome, in every way possible. But how do I explain that to my boys? I talk about him often, I want them to know him, and my mom and Theron, my father-in-law. But I know that whether they know it or not, they will carry on their legacy. Along with bits and pieces of their likeness and personalities. I see both my mom and dad in the boys. Ben looks more like him to me, some facial features, facial expressions, his sense of humor and just attitude in general...but that also might be because, I have a lot of those things from my father! ;) Jonathan I believe got his ability to be inquisitive about things. Explore, question and investigate, all things that Jonathan does and definitely things that my father did.
Over the past five years, I have gone through all the steps of grief. I landed and stayed on anger the longest. I am sad and disappointed in myself for that. But thankfully, I have moved past that and I am working toward continuing my VERY good and happy life. A lot of people ask me how I "got myself" to the next step, and honestly, I just woke up one day and said, 'Dad and mom wouldn't want this for me and my family. They gave me an amazing childhood, that was HAPPY, not angry and sad!' And I decided to GET HAPPY and thankfully, it stuck! I want to rejoice in what I had, and not be angry for what I lost. I know that this is what they would want.
Just a few of the things that I loved and miss about my father...
His LOVE for the Lord. He was a Godly man who was consistent with his message to Amy and I, but mainly, by living by example. As I continue through life and meet more and more people, I am more and more thankful to both my parents for setting such a great example for us. I realize I had a sheltered life, and I am actually very grateful for that too. He prayed in the most amazing and intense way. I especially remember the last time I was with him, July 1, 2008, and he, my mom and I prayed for at least an hour for mom's healing. It was sad and painful, but I am almost glad that this was the last time I was with him...it had meaning, and we expressed love for each other and the Lord.
His LOVE for his family. He loved us, all of us with all his heart. He was very passionate about taking care of mom, Amy and I and even his mother and sisters. He wanted to provide for all of us. When his mother was diagnosed with cancer, she wasn't given much time to live. He moved to El Paso for almost a month and cared for her until she died. And when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I could literally see the pain on his face. I held him as he wept, the day we found out and he looked at me and said, "I wish it was me instead of her. I don't want to see her in pain." I almost thought, in the hours after dad passed away that he had died of a broken heart, literally and figuratively.
His LOVE for Me! He and I had a very special relationship. We joked around a lot. I loved his smile and laugh. I almost felt like I had accomplished something great if I could get him laughing really hard. He and I both loved cars. We talked about them and liked looking at them together. We both LOVED music. I loved sitting in his study with him, he had an amazing surround sound and we would listen to all sorts of different music. I still have his iPod the way he had it when he died and I will never erase it. I love having and listening to it, it is almost like being back in his study with him, but not at all quite.
His LOVE to work with his hands. Over the past five years, when I remember my father, I realized that every memory is attached with him working on something with his hands. Building a computer, or some electrical devise, building a car, working in the yard, planting in the garden, re-wiring something, re-working something...it was constant. He quoted to me once, and I will never forget it, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop."
Here are a few DOZEN of my favorite pictures of my daddy...
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| Granny is holding Dad, next to Granny is Sandra and then Pam, both my dad's sisters. |
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| Dad with his sisters. From the left; Cathy, Dad (Bill), Pam and Sandra. |
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| Cathy and Dad! |
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| Dad and his sisters! I love his cowboy boots! |
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| Dad in High School. |
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| Mom, Dad and Granny at White Sands. I believe they were in college now. Both mom and dad went to UTEP. |
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| Our little family. The baby that mom is holding is a distant cousin on my dad's side, that I forget her name. Dad is holding me. Look how cute and young mom looks! |
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| Amy and I love this pic! Groovy family! We were at the Butchart Gardens. |
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| At the good ole' MacDonald's playground. |
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| I'm eating Dad's toe. |
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| I guess you had to know dad to know this was one of his sarcastic looks. I love it. |
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| On a family vacation up through Arkansas. Dad was driving along and saw this creek and decided we needed to get out and go explore! It was a fun memory! |
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| Dad's 40th B-day. Hence the "Over the Hill" Sign! This was probably a year after he was diagnosed with Diabetes, and he was his thinnest. |
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| At Olive Garden, probably one of our favorite family restaurants! It was one of our birthdays, I am not sure which one. |
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| In his study. |
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| Mom and Dad with baby Amy! |
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| We are at the top of the Gunther House in San Antonio. I loved going there with them. I framed this picture for him and he always kept it on his desk. |
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| A fun Christmas Eve! It was always tons of fun! |
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| Aunt Cathy, Granny and Dad! |
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| A common site, seeing Dad at the computer. |
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| At the Gunther House on a different trip to San Antonio, we are with Dad's side of the family for my cousin David's wedding. From the left: Aunt Pam, Mom, Amy, Dad, Uncle Tony, Aunt Sandra and Uncle Joe. |
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| Daddy holding me! |
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| Mom and Dad's wedding. |
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| Add caption |
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| I love this picture of Amy and Dad. |
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| In Arkansas visiting my Great Aunt and Uncle Millie and LM. From the left: Amy, Great Aunt Millie, Me, Dad, Great Uncle LM. |
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| Daddy and Mr. Giraffe. |
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| Dad and one of his all time best friends, Larry Jones. |
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| Me and Mom in front of dad's silver Beetle that he built from scratch, in his garage that he helped build. |
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| At my wedding. |
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| That's the face he makes when he is teasing me, as you can see I loved it. |
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| Christmas Eve at one of Mom and Dad's favorite restaurants, On Broadway. |
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| Amy's rehearsal dinner. |
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| Mom and Dad took me to Galveston right before Michael and I got married. |
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| At Fossil Rim. |
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| Mother's Day 2007. |
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| Christmas Eve 2007. I am six months pregnant with Jonathan. |
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| My cousin Sarah's wedding. April 19, 2008. Jonathan was born 2 days later! |
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| I bought him this for Christmas 2007, our last Christmas together. I loved his reaction to getting this radio! I now have it in my kitchen and that is what I use to listen to his iPod. |
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| Dad's 56th Birthday. |
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| At Amy's wedding. |
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| On my 28th Birthday, when I told them I was expecting Jonathan. |
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| My favorite photo on mom and dad with Jonathan. Jonathan was only 7 days old. |
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| I just love his smile in this. |
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| Look who little J is!! |
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| Only by chance did I snap this. I had just changed Jonathan on mom and dad's bed and asked dad to take him so I could wash my hands. I came back in to find this. It melts my heart every time. |
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| In the hospital holding J, he is smitten. |
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| This is the last picture I took of him. Only two weeks before he passed away. I miss him so much. |
